Issue 023: The Fear After the Yes
This week’s reflection: I’m realizing it’s not rejection that scares me. It’s what happens after the “yes.” What do you do when you finally get what you prayed for…
Lately, I’ve been sitting with this thought that caught me off guard. It came to me this morning, after doing my devotion and listening to some videos that challenged how I think about fear and frustration.
The speaker said something like: sometimes the frustration we feel in life isn’t meant to defeat us—it’s meant to move us. Because we’ll say things like, “I deserve more,” “I’m called to more,” “God has more for me,”—and yet we stay stuck. We don’t move. And often it’s because we’re afraid: afraid of rejection, of failing, of the unknown.
But as I listened, I realized that rejection isn’t really my fear. I’m not afraid of being told “no.” Honestly? What scares me more is being told “yes.”
I’m more afraid of getting what I prayed for… and then not being able to live up to it. I’m afraid of finally stepping into the opportunities I said I wanted, and then dropping the ball—whether that’s because of self-sabotage, my health, or my mental state at the time. I’ve been there before: praying for something, receiving it, and then watching it slip through my fingers. And when that happens, the only person I know to blame is myself.
So then this tug-of-war starts inside me. I know I’m capable. I know I should apply. I know I deserve to be in those rooms. I’m not doubting that. The battle is: am I thinking too highly of myself to say “yes” again? Because what if I drop the ball again?
And if I’m honest, I don’t know how to fully reconcile that yet. I don’t have a packaged up conclusion or a call to action to give you here. Just an honest observation.
Maybe part of the work is talking to God about this more, asking Him to reveal where I’m letting fear or self-sabotage creep in. Maybe part of it is closing gaps in my life—figuring out whether this is tied to ADHD and executive functioning, building better routines and structures that help me stay consistent when opportunities do come.
I’m still in it. But I wanted to name it out loud.
If this resonates with you too, I pray we both find clarity—and the courage to move through it.
Stay blessed, stay creative, and stay aligned!
All is well,
Ashlee
One of the IG videos that sparked this thought:
Same sis same….. I’m more of a ‘okay if this goes great, will this be it?!’ Is this that big thing God had for me and know everything is will just be dull and meaningless to me? Will there always be more to accomplish or will this one act just be my highlight.